"Hey Siri, Give Me A Full Makeover"

Tuesday, March 26, 2019 by Snacks
"What do you mean no new phone unveil?"

"What do you mean no new phone unveil?"

Yesterday’s Market Moves
Dow Jones
25,517 (+0.06%)
S&P 500
2,798 (-0.08%)
Nasdaq
7,638 (-0.07%)
Bitcoin
$3,918 (-1.33%)
10-Yr US Treasury
2.421%

Hey Snackers,

Oprah's bow-collar has officially replaced the Steve Jobs turtleneck.

Investors were so into Apple's product event Monday that markets barely budged to start the week.

Bundle

1. Apple reinvents itself with 4 fresh products

iTransform... Apple marathoned through its biggest non-iPhone product event ever. Technically, there was no hardware — Just human being celebrities there to promote its new TV shows (enter, Oprah, Spielberg, J-Aniston). Apple made itself over into an everything company.

Here's the new roster... Apple offered a bunch of services for your living room, but was hazy on some details and the price (no clue yet on how much TV or gaming will cost):

  • Apple Card: A Goldman Sachs and Mastercard powered menage à partnership credit card (without the physical card). Pay and manage spending from an app, which updates your budget.
  • Apple TV+: Its new streaming service starts with a dozen original new shows. But it also integrates your other streaming options (except Netflix), so you can search once to see if The Notebook is available anywhere.
  • Apple News+: It's bundled the WSJ, LA Times, and over 300 magazines for $9.99 monthly (the NY Times and Washington Post are doing their own thing).
  • Apple Arcade: A subscription for smartphone, tablet, and computer games (and it's the least exciting of all 4).
THE TAKEAWAY

Bundling for you, while it unbundles itself... Apple's got a TV bundle, a news bundle, a music bundle, and a gaming bundle. It's like Apple's updated its own operating system to become a real "services" company. Its future is bundled in bundles because that means you're paying monthly for each.

Fried

2. McDonald's reinvents drive-thru with 1st acquisition in 20 years

Treat yo' self... McDonald's just dropped over $300M to buy Israel's Dynamic Yield. Great technology, brutal name. It's McD's biggest acquisition in two decades (it splurged $174M on chicken chain Boston Market in '99), but this one's got one focus: Make drive-thrus freakishly personal.

This Happy Meal feels like my soulmate... That's the vibe McD's wants you feeling as you coast away from the drive-thru. Dynamic's technology unleashes some serious customization to the menu.

  • Temp hit 92-degrees? Dynamic Yield pushes up M&M McFlurries on the drive-thru menu.
  • Already ordered Egg McMuffin? Dynamic Yield suggests hashbrowns to round out that breakfast of champions.
  • Kitchen low on chicken? The Dynamic Yield menu highlights the 6-pack of McNuggets over the 20-pack binge option.
THE TAKEAWAY

Ronald's New Year's resolution was a new look... 2018 was all about upping McDonald's digital game (including order kiosks and a new app), but 2019's focused on physical transformation — McD's is dropping almost $1B to upgrade 2,000 locations. The drive-thru just wants to get to know you.

Steer

3. Fiat Chrysler whips up a Franken-Jeep

You and your truck want to go topless?... Fiat Chrysler has you covered with a new version of its Jeep. The "Gladiator" is part SUV, part pickup truck, part convertible. Executives just see all profit.

Americans want a V8 engine with 18 cup holders... And America's auto industry is happy to oblige:

  • According to Bloomberg, Premium, Entry, and Crossover SUVs made up 3 of the top 4 fasting-growing car types from '15 to '18.
  • Those hefty SUVs cost the same(ish) to build as smaller cars, but are priced way higher.
  • And those fatter profits are why Jeep's making a whole new SUV-ish creation that nobody asked for.
THE TAKEAWAY

"It's a Jeep thing" for US workers... Jeep's parent company Fiat Chrysler relies aggressively on Dodge Ram and American-made SUVs for the bulk of its profits. That's why it recently announced 6,500 new jobs and a $4.5B investment in new assembly lines, mainly for Jeeps. SUVs are getting all the love.

What else we’re Snackin’

  • Splurge: WeWork spent so much on new office space over the last year that its loss nearly doubled to $2B
  • Hangry: Domino's launches "in-vehicle ordering" so your pizza demand goes straight to the delivery guy
  • Commitment-phobia: Canoo's the new electric car startup that'll only sell them on a "subscription basis"
  • Game: Nintendo's launching two new Switch consoles this year (one for gamers, one for on-the-go)
  • Sickly: Johnson & Johnson settles a lawsuit over a blood thinner that'll cost it an unhealthy $775M
  • Pardon: UK Parliament votes to take control of Brexit negotiations from the Prime Minister

Tuesday

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