Amazon sales soar, but shares plunge as Bezos puts good PR and worker health over profits

Be humble. Sit down.... "You may want to take a seat" is not exactly a phrase shareholders want to hear in an earnings announcement. But that's exactly what Amazon told investors to do as it reported results from the Jan - March quarter. First, Amazon dropped key stats that revealed a lockdown-related sales surge (hoarding, confirmed):

• +26%: How much Amazon's sales jumped — the 'Zon racked up over $75B in total sales, their biggest 1st quarter leap ever (it's usually the slowest quarter).
• -29%: How much Amazon's profit fell — Bezos took home a smaller-than-expected $2.5B in profit, despite the sales boom. Amazon brought in way more money, but spent even way more.

Okay, now actually take a seat.... Amazon proceeded to explain that in the upcoming quarter, it expects to make around $4B in profit. Then, Amazon explained that investors can kiss that $4B in profit goodbye:

• Amazon plans to spend the entire $4B "and perhaps a bit more" on corona-related expenses like getting products to customers on time and keeping worried workers safe while they're working in warehouses.
• COVID-19 testing facilities, PPE equipment, and higher wages for hourly employees are all on the docket.
• Amazonians ≈ Sarahs. After hiring 175K extra workers to handle increased demand, there are now as many Americans getting an Amazon paycheck (840K) as there are Sarahs (842K)
• Amazon stock has fallen nearly 8% since the announcement, dragging the market down with it. Guess some bummed investors got up from their seats.